I don’t have a lot of friends however most of the friends I do have are couples. Unfortunately our couple friends seem to argue a lot. I’m not saying The Man and I don’t have any issues but they are few and far between. We talk and actually listen to what the other is saying. Apparently this practice isn’t very common.
We’ve both noticed that our friends talk to each other but they don’t really comprehend what the other is saying. Often we’ve noticed that they hear what the other is saying but then turn it into what they THINK their significant other (SO) has said. “Honey, your ass looks great in those jeans,” turns into, “Honey, you have a fat ass and need to get to the gym now.” Okay, this may be an exaggeration (not really) but you get where I’m going.
There isn’t always some hidden code in our SO’s words. Sometimes they are saying exactly what they mean and we blow it out of proportion. I know I’ve done it a handful of times in the eight years he and I have been together and so has he. We move past it by talking and understanding the other instead of drawing our own (a lot of the times incorrect) conclusions.
I’ve also noticed that some of our friends seem to base their happiness entirely on the actions or feelings of their SO. They want their SO to change the way they act, think and view the world to fit their needs. This, I do not understand. I believe that my happiness is in my hands. I think if we base our happiness on someone else then we are always setting ourselves up for failure.
Yes, I want my husband to be happy, but should I have to totally change who I am to make him happy? I certainly don’t expect him to change for me. I married him because I loved him for who is was (and still is). I now don’t want him to be someone else. I am in charge of my happiness and he is in charge of his. Let me just clarify that I like to do things I know will put a smile on his face. I do. BUT, I don’t feel that we should become slaves to each other’s emotions or wants. I have enough trouble dealing with my own.
What’s your take on it?