Thursday, December 3, 2009

Thursday Thirteen

I love to hear what people have to say, especially if they’re funny. I’m particularly fond of quotes that can make me laugh. I have a few websites I like to visit that have some of the best quotes ever. Today, I thought I’d share a few with you.

Thirteen quotes that make me lol. ;)

1. “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.” - Louis Hector Berlioz (A side of the argument you don’t hear very often…)

2. “I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.” - Henny Youngman (I would have kicked him with the other leg after I was done laughing.)

3. “I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.” - George Bush (It’s just funny I don’t care what anyone says.)

4. “A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” - Groucho Marx (I totally love Groucho Marx… I blame my dad who acts just like him.)

5. “Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.” - Robert Benchley (I do this often… probably not often enough though.)

6. “I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.” - W. C. Fields (I really know people like this… it’s not me either.)

7. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” - W. C. Fields (I’ve never added it to the food…I should try that.)

8. “I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.” - Rodney Dangerfield (In my house it’s the other way around… just kidding.)

9. “I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” - Joan Rivers (Holy cow!)

10. “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” - Groucho Marx (Again, I love him.)

11. “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” - David Lee Roth (When I picture it happening it’s even funnier.)

12. “I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.” - Howard Nemerov (I shouldn’t have sipped that water BEFORE I pictured this one. *wipes down keyboard*)

13. “What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?” - George Carlin (Dude, I ask this question every time and no one ever gives me an answer!)

If you want to check out more quotes click the links below.


Stephanie Adkins said...

LOL!!!! Those are awesome! :) Happy Thursday, Lauren! *Hugs*

Elise Logan said...

Fantastic quotes. That was a really fun list.

And, um, yeah. I've got the mental picture of David Lee Roth and the highball glass trying to jog. *snort*

Adelle Laudan said...

LOL Hilarious! #9 almost made me spew all over my monitor. Happy T13!

Ms Menozzi said...

Thanks for the laughs! I sure needed 'em... ;)

Happy TT!

Ella Drake said...

wonder why #13 has never occurred to me. huh.
Great list!

Alice Audrey said...

LOL. I'm going to quote some of these. Great list!

A. Catherine Noon said...

Now, darn it, I read these at work!!! My buddies want to know why I'm snorting and turning pink! (I work in finance, so it's not like it's the numbers! Oh, a 3! bwahahahaha. Yeah, not so much.)

Thank you for sharing these! I love George Carlin. He's awesome.

Inez Kelley said...

I love Marx, Fields and Carlin!

Heather said...

Love number five, and three is a classic Bushism. Thanks for the laughs!

Jennifer Leeland said...

LMAO!!! Those are great!