Monday, July 27, 2009

Marriage

I’ve known a lot of people (men and women actually) who agonize over this one little word. A lot of people seem to be in a rush to “make” it happen or else something must be wrong with them. Like being single is some type of personality disorder they must over come.


Now don’t get me wrong. I am certainly not against marriage after all I am married, but why is so much emphasis put on it? I’ve seen people marry a person they don’t care for, that much, just so they can say they are married. I have seen people try and force everyone they date into being the marrying type. I have seen people marry just for the sake of the kids. But what happened to just marrying for love? Marrying not because you can’t live without that person (because honestly you can) but because you just don’t want to.


You want to hear my story? Of course you do. ;)


I met my husband in chemistry lab my first semester of college. Yes we were lab partners. Neither of us was looking for a relationship. We ended up finding friendship in each other (when I wasn’t busy pissing him off lol). Over the course of the entire school year we talked and got to know each other on a real level because we weren’t busy trying to impress each other. Finally at the end of the year my BFF said, “What the hell are you waiting for? Just hook up already!” What can I say? The girl is smart. We got together that day and shared our first kiss. OMG it was awesome!!!!


Anyway our relationship was not all roses and sunshine and we even had a rough spot were we thought we weren’t meant to be. Somehow through it all we just couldn’t (or didn’t want to) let go.


Eventually (after three years) we decided we wanted to move to the next level. We were still in school and wanted to progress slowly… so we moved in together. People often asked, “If you’re living together why don’t you just get married?” Our response was, “What’s the rush?” We liked the pace our relationship was going and who were these people to tell us the “right” way to live?


Well, about four years later we had our first child. OMG I think the sky might have fallen. People were on The Man’s case about not marrying me. I wanted to say WTF? Ok in some cases I did. It wasn’t just his decision not to marry. WE didn’t want to get married just because we were having a child. I had heard too many stories where people got together for the sake of the children and regretted it so much that even the children were miserable because of it. That was NOT going to be me. The only reason for us to get married was because we loved each other. End of story.


After The Boy turned a year old we decided we were ready. Our relationship was the strongest it had ever been and we felt in our hearts that we were ready. A year after that we got married. We did it our way and it was one of the happiest days of our lives (though looking at the pictures I often wish I was more photogenic).


If I had the chance to do it all over again I wouldn’t change a thing. We really got to know each other. My mom says we test drove the relationship before we decided whether it was right for us. A lot of people looked down on us because it wasn't the “right” way to do things… according to who I don’t know.


So now I'm curious. After having my own experience I realize that everyone is different. Some people find the right one and immediately want to get married. I don’t think anything is wrong with that. On the other hand some people decide to take things slow and feel things out. I don’t see anything wrong with that either. What I have an issue with is people who think a relationship is less than because you don’t have that piece of paper that says you belong to each other legally.


I can tell you without a doubt (and The Man will too) that our relationship has not changed since we exchanged those rings. Somehow, though, people want to act like our relationship is more legit since we are married but I don’t see why. Before we were married we were giving advice to other people who were married because we had already learned so much from each other and about each other. We were closer and more in tuned then most of the married couples we knew but since we didn’t have that piece of lovely paper then our relationship wasn’t as meaningful. I want to know why? Why is this the view the majority of people seem to share? What am I missing here? I’d love to know what you think.

3 comments:

jodi said...

I can't tell you. In this one cause I have zip, because I think you're right.

If you aren't in love, don't get married. Or...if you suspect it might just be sex, again--don't get married. I know lots and lots and lots of people who've been married upwards of six times, and as the child of a "first wife", it sucks.

Lauren Murphy said...

Holy Cow six times! The thought of that almost scares me. Like you said, I can imagine it would be especially hard if there are children. They see more then we give them credit for.

Panda said...

I saw your post on Divas and slipped over to read the blog.

I don't think it is touchy at all. Personal? Yes, but that's what a blog is supposed to be about. :+)

Many years ago, I was home sick from work and caught an Oprah show. They were discussing weddings and all, and Oprah had a psychologist on. The good doctor said something that really stuck with me: "If couples put as much work into their marriages as they do with their weddings, the divorce rate would plummet."

Donna