When was the last time you gave yourself an actual compliment and meant it? I mean really said (thought) something nice about yourself? Why do I want to know, you ask? You mean aside from the fact that I’m really nosy?
A few weeks ago The Man and I were at a forum. Sadly I can’t remember the main topic (kids kill your brain cells) but I remember we ended on a very crucial subject. A friend of mine, who happened to be at the forum, mentioned that she didn’t feel beautiful if her husband looked at any other woman other than her. She had to be the only woman he noticed or in her eyes he was putting her down and silently saying that she wasn’t good enough. Now I know them both personally and I know for a fact that he does not think this (he does not hide his thoughts) nor would he ever mention, murmur or mumble anything so ludicrous. So where was she coming up with these conclusions, if not from her husband? My answer, her own mind.
She has some self esteem problems (I know because I can sense them but also because she told me). She has an issue with self love and until she can come to grips with this fact and try to overcome it she will continue to have these issues no matter who she is with. Who he does or doesn’t look at is not the real issue it’s about how she sees herself. The most disturbing thing about this conversation was that she was not the only female with this point of view.
My question is, why are people (because this isn’t just woman thing though I do see it most often in women) putting their self worth in someone else’s hands. If we truly loved ourselves then we wouldn’t need verification from someone else of our greatness, smartness or beauty... would we? If we really knew it in our hearts then no one could tear us down.
The reason I am able to recognize these things in my friend is because I was once the same way until I understood what I was doing to myself. I believe that everyone wants to be loved and desired by their significant other and there is nothing wrong with that. What concerns me is how we are so willing to look to someone else for verification of these things instead of to the person who matters most. I think that self love can be a hard journey to follow but I also think it is one of the greatest. If you haven’t already started the journey then let’s do so now. Think about yourself, the real you, the one that no one else knows but you. Give yourself a real "feel good" compliment and bask in the glory that is so wonderfully you. I’m going right now!