The MIA Status Must Stop!

Well here I am again, clawing my way back to productivity. Life has a way of knocking me off my path, but damn it I just keep giving distractions the finger as I insist on pushing forward. So it's been weeks certainly not months since I've written, edited or created any new projects. Must do something about this before I go crazy.I don't have any timelines or OCD type written plans, because I just don't vibe with those... and to be honest I am insanely jealous of anyone who can. Well, anywho, enough with the chatter, I'm off to work on promo (no worries there will be no spamming, because spamming is the devil), actual writing, editing and overall getting my ass in gear... for the trillionth time!

Wish me luck (I'm going to need all I can get)!

Off My Rhythm

I've never thought of myself as a creature of habit, but I guess I am (Imagine that). I like for my days and weeks to flow to a specific rhythm and when it varies even slightly it takes me weeks to resume any sort of normalcy… well normalcy for me anyway.

About two weeks ago The Man and I took a short vacation (I mean really it was just for a weekend) and it seriously threw me out of whack. Getting ready for the vacation and then taking off seriously interrupted my usual flow and as a result I've barely blogged or written since the upheaval. *sigh* (Dramatic much? Why, of course not!)

So, now that I’ve had my few weeks to cope and somewhat get my life to resemble something along the lines of handleable (I made that up don’t be judging me), I am really feeling the urge to get back into it. Though I am glad to be back at it again, it’d be great if I could find a way to somehow keep on top of things a bit better when the flow of my rhythm changes. Surely there must be something.

Putting Myself Out There

…Writing wise, that is. :P

Since I began my writing journey (you know… seriously) I’ve always been a little nervous about putting myself, and what I do, “out there.” I mean, what if everything I said was stupid? What if no one ever gave a damn about my writing or even my journey? What if everyone hated what I wrote? What if no one paid attention to anything I said? What if none of my attempts were any good or gave me any exposure? What if it ALL TURNED OUT TO BE A BIG HUGE COLOSSALLY HORRIBLE WASTE OF TIME?!

… or what if I was just being a super duper drama queen? (Hey mom, you stay out of this!)

As it turns out, none of that really matters. Yes, I want to develop a relationship with potential and actual readers. Yes, I would like to feel as if what I say, write, experience matters. Yes, I want people to love and hang onto every, single word I utter like it’s the best thing their pretty little eardrums have ever experienced, alright maybe not every, SINGLE, word, but you know…

anyway…

What REALLY matters is that I love and enjoy this journey. For many, this writing thing may be about business, but for me it isn’t JUST business. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to get contracts out the wazoo, and sign them in a professional writerly like manner, promo my heart out, and have book signings… but I really do this for the pure love and enjoyment of putting words together and then watching as the story unfolds. And sharing this experience with readers in as many ways as possible (WITHOUT SPAMMING, this is totally a no spam zone)is something I’ve come to enjoy. So if you see me out there on the cyber waves feel free to say hey. “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.”

Progress Update (Return from Slackerdom)

Soooooooooo… ahem I didn’t post last week and it had nothing to do with that fact that I hadn’t gotten any writing done (OK maybe it did, whatever). Anywho I am happy to report that I slid in, not one, but two days of work on my WIP this past week! Yay! I am feeling quit motivated and there is the fact that I won’t be allowed to get lost in any of the books on my TBR pile if I don’t get this baby polished. So here’s to next week. Laters. ;)

Excited About Writing... Again

So I spent a few months editing an old story, I mean I had written it years ago. The premise was good however when I wrote the story I honestly didn’t have the skill to execute it effectively. As time rolled on and I edited and edited… and kept on editing. I continued having a feeling that the story may not be working out like I’d hoped. The plot wasn’t working and I couldn’t figure out how to fix it without starting from scratch. So I kept plodding away tweaking things here and there hoping the small changes would make a difference. Honestly, I just should have realized that the best way to go was to scrap the whole thing and start over. But, I didn’t want to give up on all that work I’d already done. So, instead I made it all the way to the end enduring the nagging sensation that this story wasn’t what I wanted it to be. Once it was done I asked a few lovely, wonderful people to critique it for me… and low and behold they felt the same as I did. Certain elements of the story were fantastic, but the overall flow of the story and the plot were both muddled and lacking. So as you guessed I scrapped it… sort of. Out of that dismal failure was born a story idea so freaking awesome I can’t wait to get cracking on it.

Now, here’s what makes the whole experience even better. Not only did a lovely new story idea come from the disaster of the initial story, but I learned enough from it to work effectively on my current story. My current WIP is also one I’d started a while ago, however this time I was able to realize the issues this story had BEFORE I got too deep in. This time I was able to realize that cutting the parts that didn’t work early on instead of trying to save what I’d already written, would save me time and creative energy overall. The amazingness that has sprung from my current story is made of pure awesome and had I not had the experience with the first story, my current one wouldn’t be the loveliness it’s turning into. I have never enjoyed writing more than I do now, knowing that I have more of the skills required to turn mere words into art. Sometimes failure is really success in disguise.

I Love Poetry!

I hear too many comments from people who for some reason think it's bad to know when you are good at something, or beautiful, or smart, or have confidence. You're too self important, conceited, full of yourself, or (insert word here that means bad to think highly of yourself) if you're not afraid to acknowledge and love your strong points. I have seen the effects this type of mindset has had some of the people dearest to me and I think it's very negative or unproductive for people to feel like they have to conceal how wonderful they are because there are some who don't realize that ALL of us have potential for greatness and that there is no harm in embracing it. So I wrote this poem and dedicated it to my dearest friend (she knows who she is) and sent her a copy of her very own. Enjoy!

Uppity
By. Lauren Murphy

Vision, fixated, on a vivid mirror,
Black diamonds, glitter back,
Through lovely,shimmering eyes.
My smile holds secrets,
Suppressed,
Behind shinning red lips.
The sway of rounded hips,
Captures lingering attentions,
As I glide past, on steady high heels.
Laughing sweetly,
Immersed, in compliments aplenty,
Flirtatious antics, sweet and sexy.
Confident, with knowledge,
No one can touch me,
My thoughts,my own,
To think, as I please.
Self-assured, strong in my beliefs,
Uncaring of your judgments,
Your business, your own.
Head held high, like a gladiator bold.
Malicious stares,won’t tame me.
Others point and whisper,
Don’t value my vitality,
Thirsting to humble me,
To drudge down their paths.
No gazingtoward the floor,
Ashamed of who I am,
Estranged from my greatness,
Or doubting my worth.
Hate me if you wish,
Speak loudly against me,
Call me out my name,
Hmm,
If you dare.
In love with who I am,
Enjoying my own skin
Never letting go,
Of the true love, within.

© Lauren Murphy, All rights reserved

Curse of the Demon Queen is Available Now!

Fifty years ago, Lilith, Queen of the Demons, took the fall for something she wanted no part in and it cost her the only man she ever loved.

Betrayed and cursed, Aamon wants nothing but his freedom. Unable to let him go, Lilith watches him constantly, selfishly lusting for the love she destroyed. No matter how long he’s forced to serve, he’ll never forgive her.

The two end up on a treacherous ride of depravity and burning desire. Only absolute forgiveness will be able bring them back from this perilous journey.

Read a full excerpt here!

Available now here!


Available now at Cobblestone Press

Time for a Poem!

You know I must have been reaching really far back into the past... or channeling from some friends in the present because I really don't know where this piece came from. I am usually never so angsty (I can make up words if I wanna) but man, the words sounded nice to me so I wrote it anyway.



Disconnected Silence
By. Lauren Murphy

Clever words,
Roll across my tongue,
As I hide behind pretty lies.
Eyes glisten,
Savage seas toss turbulently,
Stinging,
Stealing breath,
As my throat closes,
Oversuppressed storms of misty misery.
Deep reaching,
Your succulent energy,
Enslaved me to this addiction.
Withdrawal,
Grips this cold battered heart,
My love disconnects from yours,
Shriveled,
Dead.
Harsh, dreadful clouds,
Clog, once clear thoughts,
Dragging me,
Into dingy recesses,
Of fearful loneliness,
Drenched inanger
As I stare upon your beloved face.
Deceitful untruths,
Release from parted lips,
Expressing feigned nonchalance,
While my soul shatters,
Into shards of broken anguish,
Reflecting tattered remnants,
Of a once solid connection.
Consumed with dark shadows,
Life leaks from tired limbs and shredded emotions,
I remain,
Shrouded,
In darkness,
Comforted by gloom,
Left,
In lonely silence.

© Lauren Murphy, All rights reserved

Even More Edits!

Perhaps I am enjoying these edits because I am actually polishing this story for publication. I’ve worked for a long time on this story and to finally see my vision on the way to being published is so wonderful. I’ve heard so many authors talk about how much they dread edits, but I haven’t had that experience, when I’m editing for myself before I sub or afterward making the corrections suggested by my editor. Sure there was plenty to correct, but it surely wasn’t the most laborious task I’ve ever partaken. I enjoyed once again doing work on a story that I’ve come to love after so long. *happy sigh*

How About A Poem?

I think this poem applies to writers especially, but also to anyone who as ever had to wait for anything, especially if it's something they've considered to be important or life changing. Enjoy!

Nervous
By. Lauren Murphy

Foot tapping on concrete floors.
Antsy jitters vibrate causing,
Sweaty palms and haggard breaths.
Head dizzy, thoughts bouncing.
Stomach clenching, heart pounding.
Tired of waiting, feeling anxious.
Frustrated screams never released.
Time running out for decision making.
What will it be? Did they pick me?
God only knows, how I hate waiting.

© Lauren Murphy, All rights reserved

Editing… How I Love Thee?

As most authors I know, I used to loath and despise the editing process. In my opinion (this was then of course… and by then I mean three weeks ago) editing was evil and cruel. Now I look forward to it in a way I never thought possible (Dramatic much? So unlike me, I know.) The more I’ve gone through the editing process I’ve really come to appreciate it. I have learned to be patient and take it page by page, word by word and really make each aspect of the story shine. I often surprise myself with how much I’ve learned and how much better I’ve actually become. I’m sorry to all those who loathe the editing process (probably still with good reason) but I am now crossing over to the dark side. Please don’t hate me. *ducks rotten fruit on the way out*

Back to Work

About two weeks ago I finished a naughty little story I'd been working on. While I'm letting that story rest I decided to take out another that's been resting for far too long. My favorite thing about letting stories rest is that I get to come back and see the good and not so good in my work. I think I'm going to have some fun revising/editing this one. It's so naughty, you know how I like them.

I am back FOR REAL this time!

Boy have I got some explaining to do. Yeah, I know. I’ve been gone for a nice long time, with no explanation as to my whereabouts. *hangs head in shame*

Well life went nuts, I got horribly blocked and my writing took a dive for a moment (a really, really long moment). But, the good news is that I really am back. I am no longer blocked (after a writer’s version of a 12 step program don’t judge me) and I have been a writing machine. I actually finished the first draft of a story I’ve really put a lot of energy into AND I have a totally amazing idea to rework a story I have worked on in the past.

I have to go have family time now *grumbles* but I promise never to disappear again… at least not without a damn good explanation.

Bye for now.

What do you think?

Apparently it’s common knowledge that as people grow older they are supposed to mature. In theory the idea sounds great, but is that always the case? We’re supposed to learn lessons from our experiences that lead to richer more fulfilling lives, right? Perhaps this isn’t happening as much as we’d like to think it is.

The first thing that comes to mind, for me, is the in crowd. In high school there were popular kids, bookish kids, mean kids, jocks (I could go on and on listing different ways kids classified each other) and there were also the kids that just didn’t seem to fit into any particular category and paved their own way while sharing in one of the groups above. There was one thing that most students wanted (even if they tried to act like they didn’t care) and that was popularity. To be part of the in crowd was huge. But then on the other hand there was a feeling of exclusion amongst those that didn’t quite make the cut. I will say that some of the popular kids where nice and seemed to care about their fellow peers. On the other hand some were just plain mean, but they got away with it because they were popular. They said and did whatever they wanted and for some reason it was acceptable. On the other hand if someone who hadn’t reached that elevated status did something considered “out of line” the other kids made them regret it.

Fast forward to today and I see a lot of this same behavior among the adults I run into from time to time. I’ve seen people at work (and other professional settings), in restaurants and social situations who think that it’s okay to treat others badly because they are “better” than them. For some reason I was under the impression that the age of “let’s be cruel to other people because we can” should have been over once we reached adulthood. Maybe my expectations are too high but I’d really hoped that our life experiences would help us to understand the lessons most of our teachers and parents tried to drill into us as children. Treating others the way we want to be treated and learning to make decisions because they are right for us should be norms but too many times it feels like they aren’t.

What happened to common courtesy? Am I an old fashioned hopeful or am I just missing something?

Now let me just say that I certainly don’t believe all people (or even most) are thoughtless or uncaring. I really just want to know why unkind behavior seems to be more acceptable (or over looked like with celebrities) if the person is well liked and unacceptable if the person isn’t. Shouldn’t we all be held to the same standards? Talk to me.

Controversial Topic (Watch Out)!

Lately I’ve seen quite a bit of discussion regarding people’s taste/disgust/opinion regarding the sizes and shapes of models/women. I personally have been hearing or seeing a lot of comments that basically say “smaller” is bad and “bigger” is good. This train of thought is a bit disturbing and here’s why. To uplift one group of people by degrading another is just plain mean. Comments stating that women/models that are a certain weight or not over a certain weight are “skinny” or “anorexic” while women/models that are over a certain weight are what “real” women look like is rather insulting.

Women come in all shapes and sizes and shouldn’t be considered “less than” because they don’t meet a certain criteria. Often it is stated that a slimmer woman who doesn’t have curves is unattractive or looks unhealthy. I used to be one of those girls and I can tell you that size discrimination goes both ways. The fact that I wasn’t considered a real woman because I didn’t have many curves and wore a size four still irritates me. For the record I couldn’t help my weight. I ate more than my grown father (and husband) and had a healthy active life. I can’t tell you how insulting it was when people insinuated that I was starving and insisting that I couldn’t have been eating enough. As a matter of fact I know some tall sized one women who can’t help their weight either and they can throw down more food than a football team and no they do not have eating disorders. But because I didn’t have a pudge here or a roll there people insisted that something had to be wrong with me. In fact maybe there was something wrong with me. All those people insisting that I needed curves and more weight to be attractive gave me a freakin’ complex. So I over-ate to try and gain weight so I could be beautiful. It’s not to say that I don’t think curves are beautiful, they are. But, it was hurtful that people looked down on me because I didn’t have curves. You know some women just won’t have them no matter what they do and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

After I had my first son I finally got some curves and little “roundness.” It has taken me a while to get used to my new sized ten shape but I like it. Now that I am a little bigger I don’t look at “smaller” women and assume that they are anorexic or unattractive because of their lack of curves or body weight. Just as I don’t look at “larger” women and assume they overeat or are lazy. We are all built differently and I see a huge variety of women every time I go outside and a lot of them can’t help the way they look. Sure there are things a lot of us could do insure that we are as healthy as we can be but some people are just stuck with the body shapes they have. It’s really unfair to make certain assumptions based on just how people look because we really don’t know their story.

Often it is said that the media pushes weight loss and being super skinny into our faces. That may be true. But is it the women’s fault or should the blame be placed more on the industry that tries to force people into a certain mold. I really don’t think it’s fair to insult these women because we don’t know their story. People say that these women set impossible standards for women and girls to live up to. My question is why are we trying to look like them? If we don’t like the way they look then why try and emulate it? I wonder if we were truly happy with ourselves would any of this really matter?
What is my point, you say?
Why can’t we all just get along? There is so much beauty in each and every different type of woman in the world and it should be embraced and cherished. To degrade one group of women (or even people) in order to uplift another is filled with negativity and is on the opposite end of the road to acceptance. Discrimination is discrimination no matter what end of the spectrum it comes from.

Just a little something to think about.

Question of the Day (Week, Year even)

When was the last time you gave yourself an actual compliment and meant it? I mean really said (thought) something nice about yourself? Why do I want to know, you ask? You mean aside from the fact that I’m really nosy?

A few weeks ago The Man and I were at a forum. Sadly I can’t remember the main topic (kids kill your brain cells) but I remember we ended on a very crucial subject. A friend of mine, who happened to be at the forum, mentioned that she didn’t feel beautiful if her husband looked at any other woman other than her. She had to be the only woman he noticed or in her eyes he was putting her down and silently saying that she wasn’t good enough. Now I know them both personally and I know for a fact that he does not think this (he does not hide his thoughts) nor would he ever mention, murmur or mumble anything so ludicrous. So where was she coming up with these conclusions, if not from her husband? My answer, her own mind.

She has some self esteem problems (I know because I can sense them but also because she told me). She has an issue with self love and until she can come to grips with this fact and try to overcome it she will continue to have these issues no matter who she is with. Who he does or doesn’t look at is not the real issue it’s about how she sees herself. The most disturbing thing about this conversation was that she was not the only female with this point of view.

My question is, why are people (because this isn’t just woman thing though I do see it most often in women) putting their self worth in someone else’s hands. If we truly loved ourselves then we wouldn’t need verification from someone else of our greatness, smartness or beauty... would we? If we really knew it in our hearts then no one could tear us down.

The reason I am able to recognize these things in my friend is because I was once the same way until I understood what I was doing to myself. I believe that everyone wants to be loved and desired by their significant other and there is nothing wrong with that. What concerns me is how we are so willing to look to someone else for verification of these things instead of to the person who matters most. I think that self love can be a hard journey to follow but I also think it is one of the greatest. If you haven’t already started the journey then let’s do so now. Think about yourself, the real you, the one that no one else knows but you. Give yourself a real "feel good" compliment and bask in the glory that is so wonderfully you. I’m going right now!

Don’t Judge Me! (Warning Rant Ahead)

I will be the first to admit that I have some rather unorthodox views about life, love and spirituality. I believe that we should all be free to learn and discover and find beliefs that fit each of us individually. Sadly, there are far too many people who don’t share this point of view. During my lifetime I’ve been looked down upon, judged harshly, called all types of names (which I’ll be nice enough not to list) and told I was going to some not so nice places (which I will not name). I’ve been told I was wrong to live my life the way I do…as if they have the right. For people to make these types of judgment calls without even knowing who I am makes me sooooooooooo angry! Picture a large fire breathing dragon with a big ugly thorn at the bottom of its foot. Yeah, not pretty.

Anyway I personally feel that we shouldn’t be JUDGING each other anyway. We should be working to accept each other as we are. Our differences make us unique and beautiful. Diversity should be used to learn about our wonderful differences not used to tear one another down. None of us are perfect. Deal with it!

/rant

A Poem for Christmas

A few years ago (maybe more than a few) a very nice lady asked me to write a Christmas poem. Since I adore her I couldn't possibly say no. I thought it might be something nice to share since it is that time. So here it is and I hope you enjoy.

A Beautiful Christmas Day
By. Lauren Murphy

The sun shines on a new day caressing us
with its rays and the warmth that it makes.

Little crystals drift from the sky one by one
coming together to create one perfect unit.

Men made of snow with sticks for arms and
carrot noses are constantly being created.

Angels brought to life drift by slowly spreading
love and happiness to all that are near.

Inside we sip hot cocoa as we sit mesmerized
by the fire and its rhythmic-hypnotic dance.

Colorful words flow from our mouths
as we tell tales of flying reindeer,

And an old jolly man with plump rosy cheeks
in a red suit riding around in a magical sleigh.

The fragrant aroma of a Christmas bird
sweeps through the house drawing us near.

We all speak words of wisdom and thanks
followed by a great amen and begin the feast.

Joy floats through the whole house
followed by a stream of anticipation it’s time to open presents.


The evergreen stands tall and proud
with dancing lights, and a glowing golden star.

Boxes covered with wrapping paper
sit underneath full of surprises and mystery.

Sounds of delight and excitement escape from
lips as the gifts shed their wrappings.

Love consumes the room as hugs and kisses
are passed around from one to another.

© Lauren Murphy, All rights reserved

For the Holidays

I'm in the winter spirit today so I thought I'd share a poem. Enjoy.


Winter Love

Frosty white branches
Of whipped creamy goodness
Wave in the winds
In a winter’s night dance

Delectably delightful
Little snow angels
Skip across blankets
Of frost sheltered land

Icy winds redden
The noses on faces
As children hip hop
Dodging orbs made by hand

Inside fires blaze
Sending smoke out of chimneys
While cocoa is sipped
With family and friends

© Lauren Murphy, All rights reserved

True to My Muse

I am an adult writer that writes for other adults. First I write to please myself then I write to please my readers. I feel that if I don’t like what I’m writing how can I expect for anyone else too? I (as well as some of my other writer friends) have gotten comments that suggest otherwise.

Presently, I am enjoying where I’m at as far my writing career. I love my characters and the scenarios I throw them in. I love the way they interact… and they are never “perfect” (as if anyone ever is). My characters, curse, can be rude, make love, have sex, even fuck (well this is an adult blog). My characters make loads of mistakes and then they work to try and fix them and or learn from them. They are based on real people not a fantasy.

Regardless, I have gotten (heard) comments that sound to me like I should change my writing to make other people more comfortable with reading my work. For instance it’s “wrong” to curse so my characters shouldn’t do it. Or “people in love don’t fuck” so my characters shouldn’t. Pfft! (I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous). More comments then these have been flung my way but these two irk me the most. Don’t get me wrong two much if either of the above would probably distract me from the story and make me think twice about finishing the book. I do like for my characters to have tender sweet moments but not for the entire book. I need some edge, some variety. Should I really change my stories, my characters, my voice to fit into a mold that doesn’t…fit? For me writing is about the love of the story. It’s about developing the characters and emotions that fit them. It’s about allowing myself the freedom to express what the muse has given me in the way that best fits the story.

So what do you think; change to fit the mold or make the mold fit you?